For men wondering, “Do I Really Need Therapy?” Here’s Your Answer — Santa Rosa Therapist weighs in

Apr 1

Think therapy is only for crises? A Santa Rosa therapist explains how men can benefit—before exhaustion, burnout, or relationship strain take over.

The Hidden Struggles of High-Functioning Men

Many of the men I work with in therapy come to me with a similar dilemma. On the surface, everything seems fine—or even great. They have successful careers, provide for their families, and manage daily responsibilities.

Naturally, they ask themselves (and me), “Do I really need therapy?”

They’re holding it all together. But usually, when they start searching for a therapist, it’s because something feels off, even if no one else can see it.

It’s not that they can’t function. They’re still getting up every day, meeting responsibilities, and pushing through. But internally, something isn’t right.

They might tell themselves, “I’m not in crisis. I don’t need therapy,” or “Isn’t this just part of life?” But the discomfort, stress, or disconnection they feel is real, and it matters.

Signs That Something Is Off (Even If You Can’t Quite Name It Yet)

1. Depression That Doesn’t Look Like Depression

Depression in men often presents differently than the classic symptoms people expect. Instead of sadness or crying, it might show up as:

Chronic sleep issues
Unexplained physical pain
Catastrophic thinking (always going to the worst-case scenario)
Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected

2. Anxiety and Constant Overdrive

Many of the men I work with feel like they have to be five steps ahead at all times just to survive in what can feel like a brutal and unrelenting world. This can look like:

Feeling on edge, restless, or hypervigilant
Worrying excessively about work, finances, or the future
Struggling to relax, even when there’s nothing urgent to do
Trouble listening to their partner, paying attention and being present in the moment

3. Feeling Unfulfilled in Relationships

A common frustration I hear is, “It feels like my partner is never satisfied,” or “I don’t feel valued for everything I do.” When your relationships aren’t in a healthy and good place, you can feel:

Resentment, numbness, apathy
Hopelessness and/or “giving up” feeling
Affairs and fantasizing about alternate relationships

Why Therapy? The Clarity You Didn’t Know You Needed

A lot of men hesitate to invest in therapy when things don’t seem that bad. They’re not in a hospital, they’re not unable to get out of bed—they’re still making it through.

I often describe therapy like this: Imagine your eyesight gradually worsens over time. You don’t notice it right away. You start sitting closer to screens, memorizing road signs, or squinting more, without realizing how much effort you’re putting into compensating.

Then one day, you put on glasses. Suddenly, you can see clearly. And you realize how much energy you were spending just trying to function.

That’s what therapy can feel like for a lot of men I work with. They’ve been accommodating their stress, pushing through, minimizing—but when they finally give themselves the space to process, they realize how much easier life can be.

Subtle Signs your life stress is impacting your mental health:

Some men come into my therapy practice because they’re dealing with obvious challenges, but many others start therapy for reasons that don’t feel big enough—until they realize how much they’ve been carrying.

Here are some subtle signs your life stress is impacting your mental health:

1. Overworking as an Escape

Many men I’ve worked with use work as a refuge. It feels productive, there are clear solutions, and they feel valued there—unlike at home, where problems might feel more complex or unsolvable. If work feels like the only place where you feel competent or in control, that’s something to look at.

2. Sleep Problems

I’ve talked to many men who stay busy all day, only to have their minds race the moment they lie down at night. If your brain goes into overdrive with worries, to-do lists, or regrets when you try to rest, therapy can help quiet the noise.

3. Chronic Fatigue and Physical Symptoms

Long-term stress impacts the body. I always encourage men to get a full medical check-up, but I’ve seen countless cases where chronic exhaustion, inflammation, or body tension improve when we address mental and emotional stressors.

4. Changes in Substance Use

Maybe you’ve noticed that your evening drink has turned into a necessity rather than a choice. Maybe cannabis use has become the only way you can unwind or sleep. Substances aren’t inherently bad, but if they’ve shifted from occasional use to a daily coping mechanism, it might be worth exploring what’s driving that change.

5. Increased Irritability or Lower Patience

Men often tell me they don’t understand why they’re snapping more at their kids, losing patience on the road, or feeling more reactive to small frustrations. If your frustration tolerance has changed, there’s usually a reason—and therapy can help identify and address it.

6. Emotional Shutdown in Relationships

You avoid telling your wife the directly about your frustrations, you feel exasperated by the constant conflict and decide avoidance in the best strategy. You might feel like you just don’t have the energy to deal with her emotions anymore, so you check out, shut down, and leave.

If you find yourself withdrawing, zoning out, or feeling like you just can’t engage, something is shifting internally.

Beyond Coping: How Therapy Helps Men Thrive

The men I work with are capable, intelligent, and problem-solvers by nature. But therapy is different—it’s not about fixing a single problem, it’s about learning new ways to manage stress, relationships, and emotions.

Think about it this way: If you had an eye problem, you’d see an eye doctor. If you had chronic back pain, you’d work with a specialist. Therapy is the same, it’s about getting the right tools from someone trained to help.

You Don’t Have to Wait for Rock Bottom

One of the biggest misconceptions is that therapy is only for people in crisis. But the truth is, therapy works best when you don’t wait until everything falls apart.

I’ve seen men walk away from therapy saying things like:
"I feel like I can handle stress again."
"I am sleeping through the night and don’t wake up with dread."
"I’m focusing and performing better at work now that my relationship is back on track."

Therapy isn’t just about surviving—it’s about thriving. And you deserve to feel like you’re living your life at full capacity, not just getting through the day.

What is thriving?

Vital, energetic and enthusiastic about life
Strong, capable, and reliable to your loved ones who depend on you
Competence about navigating the next challenge you face

If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to reach out. Therapy can be the tool that helps you regain clarity, confidence, and a sense of control in your life.

Ready to Prioritize Your Mental Health? In-Person Therapy for Men in Santa Rosa and Online

You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to seek support. Therapy isn’t just for crisis—it’s for gaining clarity, strengthening relationships, and living with more confidence and ease.

As a Santa Rosa therapist, I specialize in therapy for men, helping high-functioning working professionals, fathers, and partners navigate stress, anxiety, and relationship challenges. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or just not quite yourself, therapy can help you regain a sense of control and purpose.

I offer in-person therapy in Santa Rosa and online therapy for residents anywhere in California.

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men's mental healththerapy for men

Angela Sitka, LMFT