Feeling Alone for the Holidays? A Therapist’s Practical Tips for Embracing Change and Finding Peace
For many of us, holidays are more than just a day on the calendar; they hold deep meaning, memories, emotions, and beliefs. This is further highlighted when the new normal of the holidays looks different after a family disruption like divorce, family estrangements, or the death of loved ones.
As a therapist, here is my perspective on the factors that make the holidays hard and tips to overcome these challenges.
Scroll with Purpose: Social Media as a Tool, Not a Trap
Social media has exasperated unrealistic expectations of the holidays when we are observing and comparing what other people are doing to celebrate the holidays.
You may be more sensitive to this type of social comparison when you’re already struggling with accepting the new reality of your holiday season after a family disruption.
Use social media intentionally--to foster genuine connection. Engage in supportive groups, reconnect with friends, volunteer, or make plans to meet people in person. But if scrolling leaves you feeling worse, it’s a cue to step away.
Rewrite Your Holiday Script: New Traditions for a New Reality
We often hold high expectations of the holiday season, fueled by cultural, societal, and personal memories.
This holiday may not resemble the past, but you can create new and meaningful traditions. Rather than dwelling on what’s missing, create meaningful new experiences.
If there are certain days during the holiday season you are dreading or struggling with negative ruminations, be proactive in making plans for yourself to be in an environment or with people that will put you in a better headspace.
Some ideas:
Traveling to a new destination away from where you’d normally celebrate the holiday.
Reaching out to friends or family to join their celebrations.
Use time off work to participate in a volunteer opportunity or complete a project that brings meaning or purpose into your life.
Gratitude journaling to refocus the narrative in your head. Check out my full blog post on this topic: Gratitude Journals That Work (Even when life sucks!).
Self-Compassion for Difficult Emotions
Loneliness, disappointment, grief, and sadness are universal human emotions and can be exacerbated during the holiday season.
When we aren’t open to experiencing these feelings, it might lead us to overschedule our time, over-indulging in food, drinking, or engaging in other types of unhealthy coping as a way to numb or distract ourselves from difficult emotions.
These emotions are not signs that something is wrong or that you need to 'move on,' but rather a natural and valid response to the significant changes in your holiday experience.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. It’s okay to miss the way things were or feel lonely—it’s part of being human. Practice self-compassion by reframing thoughts:
Instead of “I’m alone,” try “I’m experiencing loneliness, and it’s okay to feel this way.” This is called externalizing.
Externalizing emotions helps you process them without becoming consumed by them. Acknowledging your feelings doesn’t mean spiraling into negativity.
Basic Self-Care Matters During the Holidays
The holiday season often disrupts our routines, which many of us rely on to stabilize our mental health during times of stress.
Our sleep schedules change, we get too busy to go to the gym, indulge in eating, and drinking, and ignore our daily wellness routines.
When we sacrifice our self-care during the holiday season, we miss out on our core needs to maintain stable mental health: adequate sleep, healthy diet, relaxation time, socialization/connection, and exercise.
Recognizing Signs of Neglected Self-Care
Subtle signs include:
Increased substance use (including alcohol).
Feeling more irritable or quick-tempered than usual, such as increased road rage or lashing out at others.
Sleep disruptions: difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
Put self-care into your schedule. There’s a lot out of your control for the holidays, but this is one in your control. If you don’t schedule it, it likely won’t happen naturally when you have “free time.” Make it not optional, but essential.
Celebrate with Meaning: Build Memories, Not Debt
Resist the urge to overspend as a way to cover up uncomfortable feelings. Instead, consider what you want to remember about your holiday season.
What values do you hope to live by during this holiday time? If generosity is one of them, think about opportunities for volunteering, participating in a toy drive, or donating to charity.
Think of ways to connect with others. Try to be creative beyond showering people (or yourself) with material gifts. These shared experiences can create lasting memories.
I hope this article gives you some guidance on how to navigate the holiday loneliness and sadness.
Looking for more support?
If you are ready to find a new path forward towards a peaceful and purposeful life, I am here to help.
Skip the phone tag and schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation into my online calendar here!
Angela Sitka is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist with private practice based out of Santa Rosa, CA and online throughout state of California. She specializes in individual therapy for breakups, divorce, men’s relationship issues, and relationship anxiety.