Santa Rosa Divorce Therapist: How to deal with unexpected marriage abandonment
After a sudden and unexpected end to a marriage, it is normal to question and agonize over the root cause that led to your partner leaving. You likely are asking yourself, Why? And what do I do next? Here are my thoughts as a divorce therapist in Santa Rosa, CA.
How can I recover from relationship abandonment?
1. DO be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Relationship abandonment can be a significantly painful experience to go through. It can be easy to lose sight of your own self-care during this traumatic time. But forgetting to eat, sleep, exercise and take care of your hygiene will make your mental state worsen.
Imagine treating yourself as a small child. You might need to be the responsible parent for yourself temporarily and set times for your meals, a bedtime, time for rest/rejuvenation and play. Self-compassion is key to getting through this difficult time.
2. DON’T make rash or impulsive decisions.
This is not the time to make life-altering and unchangeable big decisions in your life. When we are emotionally vulnerable, it’s easy to want to do something to take away to distress in the immediate, but this is not the time to make the decision to quit your job, get a new tattoo, or post publicly on social media all the awful things you ex has done to you (even if you delete it later!).
Instead, allow yourself more temporary changes to try things on, but with an exit plan if you change your mind.
For example, try living in temporary rentals versus buying a home in a new city, changing your hair color and cut versus permanent plastic surgery, or fostering an animal versus adopting a litter of puppies.
3. DO call upon your support systems to help.
Even if you feel like you just want to be alone during this time, it is still important to remain connected to your friends, family, and community support systems. Ask directly for what you need from them.
It may be that you don’t want to talk about the marriage issues with them but what would feel supportive is having them over to watch a TV show together, having a friend drop off a meal for you or allowing a friend to tell others in your life about your relationship separation so you can avoid some of the difficult conversations.
Support can look like so many different things, don’t limit yourself.
Can a therapist help me figure it out?
It’s worth working with a therapist during this time to clarify and resolve some of your unresolved questions about your relationship breakdown not only for the sake of finding closure for yourself, but also to help you not repeat this experience in a future relationship.
It's not about blaming yourself or identifying the guilty party, but rather being curious and open to reflect on this relationship with a clinical profession to gather the important information about your relational patterns for the future.
Therapy for Unexpected Marriage Abandonment in Santa Rosa, Sonoma County and California
Angela Sitka, LMFT, has a private practice in Santa Rosa, CA specializing in working with women navigating relationship separations including breakups, divorce and toxic relationships.
Ready to take the next step towards healing after the trauma of unexpected marriage abandonment?
Schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation in my online calendar today for divorce counseling for women in all phases of relationship separations.
You get to pick your time and get confirmation I will call you at that time. We talk for 15 minutes and decide if I might be a good fit. No pressure, just information and support.