Gratitude Journals that Work (Even When Life Sucks) from a Licensed Therapist in Santa Rosa
Here’s how I teach my clients in my therapy practice in Santa Rosa utilize gratitude journals in a way that is most effective and impactful in improving self-esteem.
Feel free to print out and put it up in a place you see every day to remind you of your practice.
As a therapist with a private practice in Santa Rosa, I utilize this type of coping tool with my clients who are dealing with immense pain and transition in their lives as they go through breakups, divorce, toxic relationships, relationship anxiety and major life transitions.
Gratitude practices can improve self-esteem, self-worth and confidence when done right.
Actually, I have talked about the value of gratitude practice in my previous blog, How Do I Get Over My Breakup? Santa Rosa Therapist’s Top 3 Ways to Cope with a Breakup.
Despite how effective this tool can be, the practice of gratitude can often be misunderstood as analogous of the “toxic positivity” movement that many self-help gurus and influencers in social media ascribe to. (For those unaware of this term, toxic positivity is often described as dysfunctional emotional management without the full recognition of negative emotions, particularly anger and sadness.)
Toxic positivity is when someone says to you, “Don’t think of them as challenges think of them as growth opportunities!” or “Choose Joy!” or “Count your blessings.”
As a licensed therapist, I am not a fan of the toxic positivity movement. Vapid platitudes is not what true gratitude practice is about.
Let’s be clear, I would never recommend my clients to do something that did not feel authentic to them and their personal life experience because there are real times in our lives when life does suck, we go through immense pain, grief, sadness, and disappointments.
These are real and cannot be glossed over with positive mantras.
But there is a way to utilize a gratitude practice that feels authentic to you and recognize the real pain and suffering you might be experiencing at the same time. One doesn’t negate the other, they can both exist.
Here is how to do a gratitude practice without feeling fake, silly, or contrived.
1. Therapist Tip for Gratitude: Start small, like really small.
People often make the mistake of beginning a gratitude journal by acknowledging the large themes of life, such as having food, shelter, family, pets, community, health, etc.
The problem with starting with these larger scale aspects of our lives is often they are not unique to you, and they often don’t change day to day. It gets old real quick being grateful for the same few things every day.
Finding moments when you become aware of the little details of life around you, like a little ladybug on a sidewalk, is a great place to start with gratitude.
Instead start small, very small to create acknowledgment of the detailed moments in your daily life to be grateful for. They should be personal to you so that they are more meaningful.
I bet no one else can claim to have spent the time today counting the spots of a ladybug with their nephew and named the ladybug Buggy.
Or how you decided to blast Lady Gaga on your drive home and remembered the time you had an impromptu dance party in your dorm with your friends.
The more detailed the better. If you get stuck trying to think of something, ask yourself, did I have a moment today in which I was fully present, and noticed something external to my own thoughts?
We often live in our heads- analyzing the past, worrying about the future, but the moments of gratitude often occur when we are fully present in the current moment.
I am going to use the following example to explain the rest of the steps of this process:
“I am grateful for the 15 minutes I spent reading my new book last night in my cozy bed.”
2. Therapist Tip for Gratitude: How did it impact you?
Again, this can be small, very small. Don’t judge what you come up with.
When it comes to gratitude journaling, authenticity matters more than how impressive it sounds.
It needs to be true to you, that should be your only goal for this step. So don’t go overboard with effusive statements about reading the book being “life-changing” or being inspired to begin writing your own book, if that is not true for you.
If the only thing you can identify is, “it gave me 15 minutes to not think about my problems,” or “it was so boring that I fell asleep early,” that is an amazing start.
In the book example above, you might say “It made me feel curious to learn more about a new culture. It also gave me something to be excited about: to read another chapter tomorrow.”
3. Therapist Tip for Gratitude: Recognize your contribution
This is the important part but also often the most difficult for people to come up with. It gets easier with practice.
What did YOU do to create this moment, make time for it, allow space for it, prioritize for it, be aware of it or cherish it.
We need to find ways to connect ourselves to our gratitude to feel a sense of control; that we have a part in the amazing things that happen in our lives.
In terms of our example of reading a book for 15 minutes, you might say, “I made the good decision that housework can wait and prioritized something that I enjoy, so I had the extra 15 minutes in bed to read. I was able to find time for self-care even in chaotic times”
Angela Sitka, LMFT therapist Santa Rosa, CA
That’s it! The more you do this, the easier it gets. Try for one sentence for each step. One gratitude per day. It’s more important you stay consistent rather than only doing it on days you feel inspired to do so.
While it’s easy to find gratitude when we are on vacations, having a great day and things are going smoothly, the mental practice of doing it on days when everything goes wrong is much more powerful.
Get connected with Therapy in Santa Rosa and online in CA today
When we go through difficult times in life, this is one small way to help yourself push through it with an increased sense of control and self-esteem.
However, sometimes we need more to get us through the tough moments- and that is where professional therapy can help.
If you are needing some extra support, check out how and who I help as a licensed clinical therapist in Santa Rosa. I offer in-person and online therapy and counseling throughout California. Book your free 15-minute consultation directly into my consultation calendar here.
Angela Sitka is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Santa Rosa, CA specializing in toxic relationships, codependency, breakup and divorce recovery for adults.