Santa Rosa Therapist: Co-parenting Through Divorce? How Individual Therapy Can Help
Learn to enjoy parenting again through supportive counseling from an experienced Santa Rosa Therapist.
I’ve worked with children, teens, and families throughout most of my career as a therapist in Sonoma County, including over 6 years in the Department of Child Psychiatry at a large outpatient medical clinic in Santa Rosa, CA.
One thing I have learned from counseling parents are that separating or divorcing is how challenging the task of co-parenting is when kids are involved
There is no way to sugarcoat it, it is extremely difficult and at times, heartbreaking, to find a way to co-parent your child with someone you’ve decided you are not compatible with anymore.
Why Would Someone Need Individual Therapy to Help with Co-Parenting Through Divorce?
There are many reasons that some individuals may seek individual therapy rather than (or in conjunction with) traditional co-parenting counseling.
Here are the top 5 reasons my clients seek individual therapy with me for parenting support after divorce:
You are still recovering from a toxic relationship, abuse, or are too emotionally vulnerable to effectively participate in co-parenting counseling.
You notice you are too emotionally stimulated to have any type of effective communication with your ex at this time. Maybe it’s too fresh after the separation or divorce, and your nervous system is still in flight or fight mode.
Or maybe due to court orders, domestic violence, or a history of conflicts, you are not able to speak to your ex without worrying it could further escalate your parenting discussions (yelling, stonewalling, threats, etc.).
You already tried co-parenting counseling and it didn’t work or didn’t help in the ways you wanted it to.
You started co-parenting counseling with high hopes and expectations. But it has quickly dissipated when you realize that it’s not going to fix the core issues at the root of your parenting conflicts with your ex.
You want to explore your other options to help improve the situation with your ex and parenting your kids that you can pursue on your own.
Your ex-partner is either resistant or flat-out refuses to attend co-parenting counseling.
It can be disappointing, disheartening, and even devastating when your ex is not as invested in parenting your children cohesively as you are.
But all is not lost, there are things you can do and try to give your children the best chance at reducing their stress during this process.
You know you need your own personal support and professional help beyond what co-parenting counseling can offer.
Co-parenting counseling is completely draining you emotionally and you find yourself ruminating about how you will defend yourself, explain yourself, or be able to express your thoughts and needs in the next session.
It’s hard to be a present parent when you are trying to hold it all together after these intense sessions and planning for the next one.
You need another place to unload it all, so it doesn’t get projected onto your kids. This leads to the next point…
You’re worried about your children and how you are influencing their mental health during this vulnerable time.
We are models for our children, regardless of their age. How can we expect our children to emotionally cope appropriately if we don’t do the same for ourselves?
It’s so common to pour yourself into caring for your child when you are worried about how they are handling the change. But the biggest factor in your child’s ability to cope and be resilient through this change is watching how you deal with it.
You might think you are hiding it well, but kids pick up on these things (research shows that even babies can be impacted by the emotional dysregulation of their parents).
Some questions to consider:
Are you losing your temper, getting short with people, and easily irritated?
Are you isolating yourself from others, not taking care of your body and health, feeling depressed and hopeless?
Do you have a hard time holding back from bad-mouthing your ex or speaking with your children about your difficulties in the divorce process, court proceedings, etc. (that is developmentally inappropriate)?
Finding yourself getting anxious, freezing up, or disconnecting when an issue comes up with your ex, and you know you need to be more assertive?
It’s not that you need to hide your emotions from your children or be perfect in handling what sometimes can be a chaotic process, but you should be mindful, self-aware, and deliberate in how you take care of your emotional self during this time. This is what individual psychotherapy with an experienced therapist can help with.
Get connected with therapy for co-parenting and divorce support in Santa Rosa and Online in CA
Angela Sitka, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist has a private practice based in Santa Rosa, CA specializing in relationship anxiety, divorce counseling and men’s issues.
What I provide to my clients in my practice is something a little different-
I describe it as a combo of a parent consultant, coach, and psychotherapist all in one.
It’s a balance of practical parenting guidance backed by my over 10 years as a therapist specializing in child/adolescent mental health, as well as my knowledge on the research of how to raise resilient children, along with ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) psychotherapy to help my clients gain insight into themselves and learn how to co-parent in a manner that aligns with your values.
If you are ready to take that next step towards a more peaceful and purposeful life through major life disruption, I am here to help you with online counseling offered to anyone residing in California and in-person counseling for Sonoma County.
Skip the phone tag and schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation into my online calendar here!